A lonely sideways glance

So today was just another day in a slowly lengthening sequence of days that pile up to make up my life. Sort of a morbid view I know but I’m feeling morbid right now and I also know that its my own will fullness that is causing me to feel down. I could very easily change my mood, but because I’m stubborn I don’t.

It’s funny how that happens, we’re the ones that get hurt, but we still stick to our guns to dig ourselves a grave, when we could very easily put down the shovel and walk away – like the metaphor?

So I sort of found out today that tomorrow I’m off to the hospital – oh the joy – I’m having more tests and what not, after they have now pushed this back about 2 times, including changing the time over and over again – what’s with that, when they give you a time they should stick to it, unless it’s something life threatening or something like that. But yeah I’m off to the hospital in another city at that, because the one here, apparently can’t take my blood any more, although they do it every time I come in, I think my blood could fill the blood banks, if they didn’t keep wasting it on fruitless tests – maybe that’s what they’re really doing with it!

Any ways so apart from the hospital blood business and this morbid feeling, today was pretty normal. I mean I did punch my friend in the jaw and it made this really weird popping noise. Every time I do something violent these days I get this weird sort of blast from the past feeling and then this sensation of painful memories washes over me, it only last the shortest amount of time, but its there. Although I did have reason to be punching him – although he moved into the punch weirdly enough – he was teasing me about sleeping with this guy that I don’t know.

Me and my friends also got given cocaine doughnuts and one of them owns me magic mushrooms – that’s a long story, but I intend to collect…

So at the moment I’m going over some of my older writing and trying to start them over again – it’s hard. You have to get back into the heads of your characters and the sort of head space you were in when you wrote it, so it can be a challenge, but I’m getting there. There is just this one or two or ten writings that I really want to finish as I think that the ideas that I came up with need to be out there, but I’ve been writing less and less these days – excluding blogging and all that jazz – so I’m starting to feel like I’ll never get to do them. I’m not really complaining that I now feel more obligated to my social life than my writing, but it does make me a little sad a times to think of all those unfinished ideas and fragments of my soul. But I’m working on it, as I right now I need motivation and inspiration – let’s hope a change of scenery can help me get what I need.

So my ten – maybe not so – loyal follows, that’s it for today apart from to say. Thank you all for following my blog, you make me feel special and I love you all!

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